Tim (Autobiographical)

Name: Tim

Age: varying

Tim is one of our universes unlucky souls who find themselves constantly being reborn only to die in more and more miserable and pointless deaths. Tim’s main story line is that he will die every story with each post being focussed around the last few moments of his death.

Unless otherwise stated:

In most of his incarnations, Tim is a carpenter, and a bad one at it. Although he occasionally gets more exciting vocations, mostly his only use in the workshop he works in is to make endless planks of three by three wood.

Tim is often married, and these relationships are usually mentioned, however there are other cases in which he is not married or even in a relationship.

Fire

Feeling the flames of the bonfire warmed Tim’s soul.

It also warmed his bones.

It also warmed his flesh.

In fact, burning warmed everything. What a way to die, Tim regretted telling his wife not to worry ‘it’s just a bonfire night party.’

It’s easier if…

Instead of living my own life, I have decided to also write about another life…

It was damp. Very damp. The damp reminded Tim of his first house, with his first wife. He hoped inwardly that that would be the only similarity between his two marriages. Every instinct he had told him not to marry again, not after what happened last time but it was highly unlikely to repeat.

They told him that she had been bitten early on, that she had known that she a contagious for a while. She wouldn’t have known which one of course, she wouldn’t have known who she was…what she was. The scars on Tim’s shoulder prickled, he just hoped she hadn’t been able to get any blood.

Tim knew that he should have guessed that it would happen at some point, lying in a pool of blood that he knew was not his own, with his wife limp next to him. That was it, he knew, she would never forgive him, like he never forgave his ex-, to humans, vampiracy was an unforgivable sin…

As his second divorce proceedings proceeded, Tim received the card he had been dreading all his life. Knowing who…what he was, just made it worse. He was ready, that much he knew, but the card from his first wife told it all, Not only was Tim a vampire, he was also a father…

The worth of it all

Every day I ask myself,
Why do I care?

You have to wonder why we put so much effort into that new job, that pretty girl, that old relative who’s about to die and needs to be reminded who to put in their will.

We are alive, that’s all that matters. No matter what happens, we got better than what we could have got, nothing.

Also
I was thinking about writing some fiction stuff as well.
Let me know if you’re really against it.

Birth, Death and everything between

We all know that life starts with birth.

We all know that life ends with death.

My dear mother is a a doctor. When I say doctor , I mean medical doctor.

Medicine is the one subject in life that fights against nature. I would view all medical miracles as a gift, after all it’s an extra chance. With life expectancy ever rising and diseases slowly vanishing with doctors working ever harder, a great question remains, do we live an obedient, good and honest life eating the correct diet and not consuming any harmful substances or do we lift our finger to health and have fun.

You have to wonder whether or not its worth the effort to stay alive…

I, I am afraid, must take the sensible approach to this issue. I believe, firmly, that it is better to live a long life, with the booze, girls and fast cars spread out than to live a short, jam packed with drugs alcohol and tasty cakes.

So, in my humble opinion, it is best only to get wasted one night a week.

Is that so abnormal??

How British are the British?

I am, as I no doubt many of you will have guessed,

British.

The new British film, Skyfall, the latest in the James Bond series is another of the world’s longest running film franchise. I was very pleased yesterday, to find that I had dragged in my very first ever British readers. Well, I wanted to question just how British the British are.

I like the ideology of Britishness. I love drinking tea and I enjoy celebration of national pride such as the Olympics with great pleasure. I do not however, work for MI6 nor, unsurprisingly, do I drive and Aston Martin. I know many fellow Brits that don’t drink tea and I know that plenty of British people would be happy to ditch the pound for the euro and do many other things to bring us closer to other nations. I however, despite being firmly left wing, am against this.

I like to apply my favourite saying to this kind of situation:

It’s okay to be a hopeless fail, as long as it’s your fault that you’re a hopeless fail.

What I mean by this is, if you’re going to do something, don’t bother thinking ‘is this going to hopelessly fail,’ instead think, ‘Do I want to do this or am I doing this because everyone else is. Then at least when it fails, It’s your fault and you can learn from your mistake.

That’s another of my favourite sayings:

Everyone makes mistakes, It’s what makes us human (I must be very very human), but only idiots make the same mistake twice. Even idiots can be forgiven however but once someone makes the same mistake three times, they just need to be removed from any situation where they could make it. If someone makes the same mistake four times, they’re only doing it to hurt you. Either that or they’re just very very stupid.

That is also very good dating advice.

 

Robots

Robots are one of the most widely criticised areas of science, not because they don’t work, or because they have a tendency to brutally murder people but, quite simply, because we are terrified of them.

We are, undoubtedly, the most intelligent being on Earth. This is a rather nice thing to have achieved and sits us right on the top of the food chain. There are many different reasons given for this, that we are the chosen people, that evolution made us or, because someone somewhere needed a drinking partner. For whichever reason it actually is, we are reluctant to let go of it.

You see, there are some very, very clever people about in the world. The problem is that there are some very, very stupid people also. The way things are looking at the moment, in a few years time, our very, very clever people will be able to make robots that are smarter than our stupid people. Now I’m not asking anyone to come forward and say, ‘I’m one of the stupid ones,’ (although any comment would be nice) however, with our built in terror of an I-Robot scenario (film in which robots get smart) comes another morbid fear, being second best.

I however, have a typically abnormal perspective. Instead of buying dishwashers and vacuum cleaners, we could just by robo-maids and, however unnatural and scary it may sound, there is a simple solution to the terror of being second best, we can just make our robots even stupider.

So to any robotic scientists out there, we want deeply thick robots.

Understanding

There are many things we don’t fully understand.

For starters, alien life, particle physics and the opposite sex. However what if we don’t know what we don’t understand? What if we’re not quite as clever as we think we are?

“Maybe we’re like Captain listening to the radio”-The Card turner, Louis Sachar

This quote of course makes no sense, until you put it in context. Captain is a small dog. he loves to listen to radio and does so every day, he can’t understand it though. He can’t even understand the concept of language, yet he doesn’t know that. To take another analogy, in ‘The Hitch Hiker’s Guide to the Galaxy,’ there is a plot line that displays humans as not the most intelligent animals on the planet, not even second, we’re third. At number 2 stands…dolphins, let’s face it, that is a point. we spend our whole lives worrying and they just play in the sea. The really interesting bit however is that the cleverest creatures are the mice. We know what mice are like, we have dissected them and done tests on them and yet, they are cleverer than us, in fact, we understand very little of what they are. Perhaps though, that’s true in another way, perhaps there is something blindingly obvious that we can’t see, like language.

After all, how would one know of colours if we all saw in black and white?

On a lighter note, I have just started a new blog about something we really don’t understand, teenagers. It’s a comedy blog that brings back the days of childhood, check it out.

Reflections in a Mirror

A couple of hundred years ago, the things we most take for granted today, would appear to be magic or fantastic. For example, today we have the ability to create fire from small matches or lighters in a way that would make us seem godlike to Romans. Even the most basic of technologies would be amazing, take a mirror for example. Mirrors have been around for millennia but todays design of a silver backed glass mirror usually vacuumed to make a perfect image, is relatively new. Before 1835 this basic luxury wasn’t even around.

If we think that mirrors would inflict god-fearing terror on our ancestors, what about computers? Blogs? The internet? When do we think about such commonplace objects or ideas. Even our parents would never believe that an Iphone can do all the things it can. We could destroy our planet at the push of button or the explosion of a bomb. Surely, these advances were made for the good of mankind?

The truth is that almost all technological discoveries are based on wartime research. Nuclear power, the Manhattan Project. Space travel, cold war warhead research. That must make us wonder if maybe, just maybe, we may stop developing so that when our children reflect on our technology, they find that we wouldn’t be that surprised.

Our developments haven’t stopped though, because a new kind of battle has begun. The economic downturn has just added to the national drive that is the new war. This competition between nations is what will create the new mirrors so that we can reflect on ourselves in decades to come. National pride and patriarchy will always make life easier so ‘God save the queen.’

Thanks

Matthew

Are siblings worth it?

I am the eldest of three. I have a both a younger brother and a younger sister so I have lots of experience as a sibling. I know that many parents often wonder whether or not having a second or third child is worth it for the first child. The answer is quite simply, it is, always. You must however, make sure that the eldest is not forgotten. Every once in a while it is important to take each of your children out separately so that they get some alone time with their parents but having a friend is invaluable.

I don’t have a twin but I’m sure I’d love one. I don’t mean to make any twin indignant but I think having somebody to share your childhood with is an incredible advantage. The important thing for parents though is that you don’t always keep them together all the time. I live in an 11+ area of England, that means that people have to take an exam to enter into ‘grammar’ schools. I know a pair of twins who ended up in different schools because one passed and the other failed. This would be disastrous. It is because of that that it essential that twins, whilst they must do most things together, have enough time without their twin. It is easy for parents to invite a friend round for both twins or for both to go to play with a friend.

So overall I would say that siblings are worth it, however, remember to have another child takes twice the parent, trust me, I know.