Name: Tim

Age: varying

Tim is one of our universes unlucky souls who find themselves constantly being reborn only to die in more and more miserable and pointless deaths. Tim’s main story line is that he will die every story with each post being focussed around the last few moments of his death.

Unless otherwise stated:

In most of his incarnations, Tim is a carpenter, and a bad one at it. Although he occasionally gets more exciting vocations, mostly his only use in the workshop he works in is to make endless planks of three by three wood.

Tim is often married, and these relationships are usually mentioned, however there are other cases in which he is not married or even in a relationship.


Feeling the flames of the bonfire warmed Tim’s soul.

It also warmed his bones.

It also warmed his flesh.

In fact, burning warmed everything. What a way to die, Tim regretted telling his wife not to worry ‘it’s just a bonfire night party.’

Instead of living my own life, I have decided to also write about another life…

It was damp. Very damp. The damp reminded Tim of his first house, with his first wife. He hoped inwardly that that would be the only similarity between his two marriages. Every instinct he had told him not to marry again, not after what happened last time but it was highly unlikely to repeat.

They told him that she had been bitten early on, that she had known that she a contagious for a while. She wouldn’t have known which one of course, she wouldn’t have known who she was…what she was. The scars on Tim’s shoulder prickled, he just hoped she hadn’t been able to get any blood.

Tim knew that he should have guessed that it would happen at some point, lying in a pool of blood that he knew was not his own, with his wife limp next to him. That was it, he knew, she would never forgive him, like he never forgave his ex-, to humans, vampiracy was an unforgivable sin…

As his second divorce proceedings proceeded, Tim received the card he had been dreading all his life. Knowing who…what he was, just made it worse. He was ready, that much he knew, but the card from his first wife told it all, Not only was Tim a vampire, he was also a father…

Every day I ask myself,
Why do I care?

You have to wonder why we put so much effort into that new job, that pretty girl, that old relative who’s about to die and needs to be reminded who to put in their will.

We are alive, that’s all that matters. No matter what happens, we got better than what we could have got, nothing.

I was thinking about writing some fiction stuff as well.
Let me know if you’re really against it.

We all know that life starts with birth.

We all know that life ends with death.

My dear mother is a a doctor. When I say doctor , I mean medical doctor.

Medicine is the one subject in life that fights against nature. I would view all medical miracles as a gift, after all it’s an extra chance. With life expectancy ever rising and diseases slowly vanishing with doctors working ever harder, a great question remains, do we live an obedient, good and honest life eating the correct diet and not consuming any harmful substances or do we lift our finger to health and have fun.

You have to wonder whether or not its worth the effort to stay alive…

I, I am afraid, must take the sensible approach to this issue. I believe, firmly, that it is better to live a long life, with the booze, girls and fast cars spread out than to live a short, jam packed with drugs alcohol and tasty cakes.

So, in my humble opinion, it is best only to get wasted one night a week.

Is that so abnormal??

I am, as I no doubt many of you will have guessed,


The new British film, Skyfall, the latest in the James Bond series is another of the world’s longest running film franchise. I was very pleased yesterday, to find that I had dragged in my very first ever British readers. Well, I wanted to question just how British the British are.

I like the ideology of Britishness. I love drinking tea and I enjoy celebration of national pride such as the Olympics with great pleasure. I do not however, work for MI6 nor, unsurprisingly, do I drive and Aston Martin. I know many fellow Brits that don’t drink tea and I know that plenty of British people would be happy to ditch the pound for the euro and do many other things to bring us closer to other nations. I however, despite being firmly left wing, am against this.

I like to apply my favourite saying to this kind of situation:

It’s okay to be a hopeless fail, as long as it’s your fault that you’re a hopeless fail.

What I mean by this is, if you’re going to do something, don’t bother thinking ‘is this going to hopelessly fail,’ instead think, ‘Do I want to do this or am I doing this because everyone else is. Then at least when it fails, It’s your fault and you can learn from your mistake.

That’s another of my favourite sayings:

Everyone makes mistakes, It’s what makes us human (I must be very very human), but only idiots make the same mistake twice. Even idiots can be forgiven however but once someone makes the same mistake three times, they just need to be removed from any situation where they could make it. If someone makes the same mistake four times, they’re only doing it to hurt you. Either that or they’re just very very stupid.

That is also very good dating advice.


Robots are one of the most widely criticised areas of science, not because they don’t work, or because they have a tendency to brutally murder people but, quite simply, because we are terrified of them.

We are, undoubtedly, the most intelligent being on Earth. This is a rather nice thing to have achieved and sits us right on the top of the food chain. There are many different reasons given for this, that we are the chosen people, that evolution made us or, because someone somewhere needed a drinking partner. For whichever reason it actually is, we are reluctant to let go of it.

You see, there are some very, very clever people about in the world. The problem is that there are some very, very stupid people also. The way things are looking at the moment, in a few years time, our very, very clever people will be able to make robots that are smarter than our stupid people. Now I’m not asking anyone to come forward and say, ‘I’m one of the stupid ones,’ (although any comment would be nice) however, with our built in terror of an I-Robot scenario (film in which robots get smart) comes another morbid fear, being second best.

I however, have a typically abnormal perspective. Instead of buying dishwashers and vacuum cleaners, we could just by robo-maids and, however unnatural and scary it may sound, there is a simple solution to the terror of being second best, we can just make our robots even stupider.

So to any robotic scientists out there, we want deeply thick robots.